I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
