call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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