Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
