Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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