the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
