And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
