Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
