I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
