I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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