She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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