she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
