Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I won the penis lottery.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
