We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
