My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize