I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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