I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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