If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
