One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
