it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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