My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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