Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
