Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
