the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
