my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
