Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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