I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
