I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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