he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
