I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
