Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
