Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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