I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
