are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
