I just googled if crying burns calories
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
