I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize