he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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