also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
