I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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