WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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