You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
