This house was built for laser tag.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
