You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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