weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
