just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
