So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
