doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
