I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
