I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
