I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
