The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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