Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
