i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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