I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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