Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
