apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
