Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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