I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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