Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
