it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We had sex on a dog bed..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
