I just saw a hot homeless man
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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