meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
