Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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