we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
