I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize