Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
