There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
