you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
