I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize