She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
