You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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