we have pet lesbian snakes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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