In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
