I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
