I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
